deep within all of us rest this unbelievable, without limit type of power. it is a power that sometimes goes untapped because it often goes without nourishment or permission. trying to tap into that power started when i was in high school. those of us who know what the high school experience is like can attest to the difficulty of finding yourself and loving yourself through the acne, the sexual changes, and through those you call your friends. all through high school i was reading self-help books and trying to become a better jehrod. i allowed people to call me ja-Rod when in actuality my birth name is je-Red. Yes it is spelled uniquely but i am who my mother called me. i gave over my power then.
when i got to college, i came in thinking that i knew who i was. i was disciplined (and by that I mean that I went to class, respected myself and others, and went to bed by 10 PM every night). yes, i was "lame". i was afraid to go to parties and drink because of my religious upbringing. so i guess what i mean to say when i said "i was disciplined" is that i was scared; scared of embarrassing my family and my church, scared of having a reputation as a "sinner", and scared to fail at this false image the world had constructed of me. i spent most of my time reading. if i had an idol god at the time, it would have been reading. i put my reading before church (i would skip church to read), class (i would skip class to read, especially math), and all other social activities and most importantly, i reclaimed my name.
all of that reading was like mining a gold mine for my mind. Toni Morrison, Richard Wright, Phillip Roth, Alice Walker, Malcolm Gladwell, Alexander McCall Smith, and the list can continue, all became mentors to me. They aided and abetted me into the coming of myself. they were my heros and sheros who taught me how to think. they rescued me and taught me how to write. now mind you, i was born a writer. i only shared my work with family, church members, friends, and sometimes my teachers. they were not able to nurture me in that way and that in itself was a blessing. the only person who helped to catapult me into true writerhood is my professor and mentor, Dr. Elise- Morse Gagne. she brought out the best in me. I spent a semester flunking her classes and the subsequent semester passing with high marks. she will never know how much she caused me to think and be able to vocalize in writing what i could eloquently do in speech.
i said all that to say this; writing has always been my joy. it is a natural extension of who i am as a spirit in the earth. i found my authentic power through writing and never being afraid to tell the truth. the truth is what liberates us from the limiting belief systems and demagoguery that permeates many facets of our society. in order to break those chains, you must free your spirit. i now understand what my ancestors meant when they sang the words to this song, "...And before I be a slave, I'll be buried in my grave and go home to my Lord and be free."
True freedom begins when you find your power, authentically, by being yourself and telling your truth, no matter what that truth is. all else is slavery.
(art by Romare Bearden)
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