HOW often are we in a state of longing for something that seems to allude us? maybe it's losing weight or finding love. maybe it's a promotion or beginning a new business venture. whatever it is, there it is — somewhere beyond you. within your grasp but exceeding your reach. for the past few years, i've longed for a relationship. i felt i deserved that. as beautiful as a human being as i am inside, i know that beauty radiates without. however, no one seemed to honor my shine enough to want to have it in their life, romantically, of course. the fault had to lie with me, right? i constantly interrogated myself, asking what am i doing wrong... why hasn't he came... what is my single self suppose to learn that my relationship self cannot... my longing caused a great sense of anxiety and lack. i felt less whole and more unwanted. although i am surrounded by the love of those closest to me, not having the love i felt i needed and the love that needed me made me suffer...
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